When Grill’d first appeared a few years ago I was in heaven. Here was a main-street burger chain that had not one but three vegetarian burgers on the menu. So I sampled them all, accompanied by their tasty herbed chips… Until a helpful staff member informed me that the chips were in fact not vegetarian – having been pre-cooked in beef fat. That’s just cruel to vegetarians and cows. And you can’t have a burger without chips – so I stopped going to Grill’d. But today I decided to revisit.
What defines a burger? What if something looks like a burger and tastes like a burger but the menu doesn’t say it’s a burger? What if it’s from a bakery, not a burger restaurant? And you can’t get it with chips?
I’ve been vegetarian for ages but I really wish I could be vegan. It would be far more ethical. But it’s hard enough being vegetarian sometimes – someone serving me in a cafe recently was convinced that vegetarians could eat chicken. When asking a restaurant if their food is vegetarian or vegan you are always at the mercy of their understanding of these terms.
I wonder if there’s some secret formula, like Einstein’s theory of relativity, that governs the perfect construction of a burger so that it doesn’t end up falling apart in a mess before the last bite. Something that describes the diameter of the patty in relation to the diameter of the bun multiplied by the square root of the height of the fillings. Or something like that.